Incomplete

A few weeks ago I received a new student in my afternoon class, Tiquana. Now this isn’t the least bit unusual as students are shuffled in and out of my 5th and 6th period “regular” language arts/reading class on a frequent basis. Where I teach they’re very pc, hence “regular” is the nice way of saying retarded, as opposed to “decaf,” advanced is your average kids and honors is your advanced kids. They’re indecisive on just how dumb a kid has to be to be considered regular (I have 2 autistic kids if that’s any help), so my class roster is shuffled quite a bit.

This Tiquana girl, though, is a lot stranger than most of my students (which is saying a lot). When I first got her I noticed that she was very twitchy and would shout out random things as if she had Turret’s: “Stop looking at me! I have to go! Look at me! Arf!…etc.” I ignored this behavior for as long as I could, thinking it was just attention-seeking. But eventually, I got around to talking to her previous teacher, who mentioned a peculiar problem with her always having to go to the bathroom.

The bathroom thing is a typical avoidance strategy, so as a teacher you kind of get used to just denying them their requests unless they’re dancing wildly. But Tiquana keeps a water bottle in her locker, so she can sneak drinks, hence making her have to pee. She twitches and crosses and uncrosses her legs repeatedly. She makes strange noises. I’m pretty sure I heard her barking, “Arf!”

“Tiquana, you’re being disruptive; I’m going to have to relocate you.”

“But…Mr. Jim, I can’t help it…I really have to go.”

“I’ve been given strict instructions that you are not to leave my classroom. Please sit up here next to my desk.”

“But…!”

“Now!”

Another one of my prized students, Jimmy, who also can not shut the hell up and was already located at one of the desks near mine, feels the need to chime in at this point.

“Mr. Jim, I don’t want to sit next to that girl; she’s crazy!”

At this point all the other students in my class are nodding in agreement. (I also agree but obviously can not say so.)

“Jimmy, Tiquana is being a bit disruptive, but I’m not going to be rude.”

“Shit, I would.”

I’m laughing on the inside, really. Actually—really, really hard.